Trevor's Takes

Alright listen up.

I don't know who's running that "Crime Blotter" thing on the homepage, but whoever it is, I respect the hustle. Alligators wrestling grown men over the last beer in the cooler? Some guy hiding from the FIB describing a dog as "possibly armed"? That's not fake news. That's a Tuesday.

Meanwhile Danny's up in his office with his little desk lamp writing sternly-worded paragraphs about "journalistic integrity." Buddy. Nobody clicked on this site for integrity. They clicked on it because November 19th can't get here fast enough and everybody's losing their damn minds waiting, myself extremely included.

You want my hot take? Fine, here it is: thirteen years is a long time to wait for anything, and if GTA Online taught me one thing it's that patience is for people who don't own a tank. I've had this launch date circled on every calendar I own since it was announced. My therapist says that's "not a healthy relationship with a release date." My therapist also billed me $400 to say that, so consider the source.

Anyway. Danny's gonna read this and get mad. Good. That's the job.

— T